I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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