Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
