There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
