you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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