The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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