we made out on top of his cat.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
