I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
