walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
