My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
