Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
