On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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