I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
