god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
