The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
