possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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