I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
