I think I won the penis lottery.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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