There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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