The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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