im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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