Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
