I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
