you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
