Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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