I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
