Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
