I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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