Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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