she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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