High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
