Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
