Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
