found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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