Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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