Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
