How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
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Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
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I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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