Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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