1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
