She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
