I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
