thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
