there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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