I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just google imaged poop.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
