he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
