I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
