That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
