I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
it's like iHOP with fire
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
