great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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