Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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