you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
