trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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