You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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