No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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