I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
