i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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