You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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