Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
