The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Randomize
