I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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