That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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