he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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