I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
